46 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Marriage
Being in love is a good reason to marry. Knowing how you each think about money, children, ambition, faith and the everyday grind is what helps the marriage last. Many couples skip these talks because they feel unromantic or because they assume the answers will sort themselves out.
Press Next to draw the first question.
This list covers the practical and the personal: where you want to live, how you handle a bad month, what family means to each of you, and what you picture in ten years. Disagreeing on a few is normal. The goal is to know where you stand before you make the promise.
All 46 questions to ask before marriage
7 light · 22 medium · 17 deep
- Where in the world would you most like to live if work did not matter? Light
- What does your dream weekend morning in our future home look like? Light
- Are you a small-wedding person or a big-party person, and why? Light
- What pet, if any, do you picture us having? Light
- Which of your family's holiday traditions would you most want to keep? Light
- Do you see us hosting friends often, or keeping home a quiet place? Light
- What kind of neighborhood makes you feel most at home? Light
- How did your family talk about money when you were growing up? Medium
- Do you prefer joint accounts, separate accounts, or a mix? Medium
- What debts or financial commitments should I know about? Medium
- How much would you be comfortable spending without checking with me first? Medium
- Are you a saver or a spender when you are stressed? Medium
- How do you want to divide cooking, cleaning and life admin? Medium
- What does a fair split of household work look like to you? Medium
- How involved do you want our parents to be in our day-to-day life? Medium
- How would you feel if one of our parents needed to live with us someday? Medium
- Do you want children, and if so, roughly when and how many? Medium
- If we had trouble having children, how would you want to approach it? Medium
- What role does faith, spirituality or culture play in the life you want? Medium
- How do you want to celebrate holidays when both families want us? Medium
- How tidy does a home need to be for you to relax in it? Medium
- What does a healthy friendship outside our relationship look like to you? Medium
- How do you feel about moving for one person's career? Medium
- What would you want to do if one of us wanted to change careers entirely? Medium
- What are your views on borrowing money from or lending it to family? Medium
- How important is owning a home to you compared to renting? Medium
- What does a good argument look like to you, if there is such a thing? Medium
- How do you like to be cared for when you are sick? Medium
- What does privacy mean to you, with phones, mail and passwords? Medium
- What did your parents' relationship teach you that you want to repeat or avoid? Deep
- What is something about your past you would want me to know before we marry? Deep
- What would make you feel betrayed in a marriage, beyond the obvious? Deep
- How do you want us to handle it if one of us falls out of love for a while? Deep
- What does staying together through hard times actually require, in your view? Deep
- What is your biggest worry about getting married? Deep
- What do you think we will argue about most, honestly? Deep
- How would you want to make big decisions if we strongly disagreed? Deep
- What would you need from me if you lost your job or your health? Deep
- If we had children, what values matter most to pass on? Deep
- What does a successful life look like for you at seventy? Deep
- What part of your independence are you most afraid of losing? Deep
- What would you want us to promise each other that is not in any traditional vow? Deep
- How do you want us to grieve together when we lose people we love? Deep
- Is there anything you are hoping marriage will fix, and is that fair to expect? Deep
- What would you want our marriage to give our families and friends to look up to? Deep
- Are you marrying me for who I am now or who you hope I will become? Deep
How to use these
- Spread these over several conversations; trying to cover money, kids and in-laws in one evening is exhausting.
- Treat different answers as information, not a verdict. Ask how flexible each of you feels on that point.
- Write down anything you agree on that you want to revisit in a year.
- If a topic keeps stalling, a premarital counsellor or workshop can give you structure.
Related questions
- Questions for married couples47 questionsFresh questions for partners who think they know it all.
- Hard questions to ask your partner48 questionsSerious questions for honest, careful conversations.
- New relationship questions46 questionsCurious, low-pressure questions for the first months.
- Deep questions48 questionsValues, memories and the things you rarely say out loud.
Questions people ask
When should we ask these questions?
Ideally before you are deep into wedding planning, when there is still room to talk without deadlines. That said, it is never too late to have them.
What if we disagree on something big, like children?
Take it seriously and talk it through more than once. Some differences can be bridged, but some are dealbreakers, and it is kinder to learn that early.
Are the money questions really necessary?
Yes. Money habits shape daily life and are a common source of stress for couples, so knowing each other's debts, savings and spending styles helps a lot.
Do these work for couples moving in together too?
Most of them do. The questions about home, chores, money and future plans are useful before any big shared step.